Estelle hears a dry rustling noise in the patch of tall grass and wild daisies near their camp. She looks in the direction of the noise and sees two green lights shining in the dark, near to the ground. Her blood turns to ice and her hair seems to physically stand on end.
“Look, Papa, look,” she screams.
Papa grabs his Mauser and aims it at the eyes, ready to fire. The eyes stop moving forward. They stay still in the dark, looking at them.
Is it a hyena?
Nothing moves in the vast stillness of the African night.
Written for the Carrot Ranch flash fiction challenge hosted by Charli Mills. You can join in here: https://carrotranch.com/2020/02/06/february-6-flash-fiction-challenge/
Gave me such chills – I was hoping it wasn’t a dog
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Ah, but it is a dog, Annette, and this actually has a good outcome, at this point in the story in any event.
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99 words are just enough to make one terrific cliffhanger…
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Reblogged this on anita dawes and jaye marie.
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Thank you, ladies.
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Love that last line, Robbie!
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Yes, it was a perfect ending. I envision the family in their camp for the rest the night, not moving except for their eyes, waiting for the rustling to sound again. *shiver*
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Fortunately, it doesn’t turn out quite like that, Liz.
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Whew!
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Thank you, Jacquie
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This was a good response to the challenge, and it was atmospheric, chilling!
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Thank you, Priscilla.
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Wow! I was holding my breath!
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Thank you, Jan. This actually has a good outcome which is a bit unusual for me [smile]
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I like your Article.its Amazing
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Good story. You tackled the prompt really well.
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Thank you, Joanne.
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Reblogged this on Ed;s Site..
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wonderful rendering of tension (K)
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Thank you, Kerfe. Nice to see you.
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You have my attention! I want to know what happens next, Robbie:)
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Thank you, Denise.
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Yes, agreeing with the others- you have to finish this.
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Thank you, Miss D.
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Reblogged this on Where Genres Collide Traci Kenworth YA Author & Book Blogger and commented:
Like this!
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Thank you, Traci.
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Ooh, that’s scary stuff, Robbie. You got the tension just right.
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Thank you, Norah.
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EEk indeed. Creepy when one doesn’t know what’s out there.
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Yes, that is very true.
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Oh, an exciting glimpse into the dangers of the night! And, Sgt Mills would be so impressed with your choice of rifle — he collects Mausers.
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Oh, does he, how interesting, Charli. Mausers were used by the Boers at the beginning of the war until the ammunition ran out and then they took the British soldiers guns and ammo.
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Well done! You had us all on the edge of our seats!
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Thank you, I’m glad you liked this.
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